As part of any good motivational program I have a system of poorly defined rewards. For example, I pay bills X, Y and Z and then I can reward myself with something good, like toilet paper. Sadly things like scotch and whiskey have moved into the realm of "daily necessities...".

Or, if the bills I pay are large enough (and there's no shortage of those), I could reward myself with a Big Screen HD Color TV.

I dwell upon this fantasy for a while.

Odd, because I don't really watch TV. The odd DVD once or twice a year, but that's it. The TV is more of an eyesore than anything else, one of those "Must Have's" for 20th Century life.

But I imagine it set up downstairs in the living room. To justify the purchase I'd put it down as an "improvement" on the property, it wouldn't be mine, it would stay with the house and when the ex moved back in it would be hers. And I could purchase a terabyte hard drive and move all my movies to it and run a cable downstairs to the TV so I could download and watch whatever movie whenever I wanted.

It seems like a good idea, the economics are sound and it would be a reward, of sorts, except that I never watch TV.

Never, ever.

Maybe I'd watch more TV if I had a giant screen HD monstrosity taking up the spare wall space in the living room, but it seems like poor reasoning and bad speculative logic to purchase the TV on the off chance I might watch it. And really, my life is pretty full without it.

And so I'm left searching for some other grubby materialistic reward to justify a life lived in servitude. Maybe a new watch? (and here I laugh, because I have over a hundred watches and need another watch like Calgary needs a $25 million dollar pedestrian bridge, but, hey, I paid for the bridge, why shouldn't I pay for the watch....?). Or - and here I take a big leap - a trip?

I could take a trip with the boy...Las Vegas, or some other major US center...maybe even London for a few days, take in some shows, comb the Thames for broken bits of china and clay pipe stems, bits to be used in my mixed media projects....

But the logistics of this, in the job I'm in, well, they're difficult. And so I'm back to searching for some other way to blow off a bit of economic steam...

Rewards implies something I need or want, and I'm at this curious impasse in my life where the only thing I need or want is time to myself. Which is the one thing, ironically, I can't afford. And so it goes...