"What's this?" I asked, hefting the statue in my hands.The shopkeeper looked at me shrewdly, sizing me up.
He sucked his breath in between his teeth.
- "That..." he began "Is a bust of Arturo Fuento, The God of fine cigars."
"Really?" I said, intrigued. I don't smoke cigars but somehow the statue felt heavier, more valuable in my hands...
- "Indeed." he said. "The only carving in the world of him known to exist. Please be careful with it, it's priceless."
"I didn't know there was a God of Cigars."
- "You're not from around here, are you?. Arturo Fuento is the god to whom the natives used to direct their worship when they wanted a smoke."
"Really?" I was repeating myself. So often these souvenir shops are cluttered with the same old thing, coral and shark's tooth necklaces, bad handicrafts, T-Shirts, but I was beginning to think that I was on to something....
"How much?" I asked.
- "It's not for sale. The natives wouldn't allow me to sell it." and here his voice dropped to a whisper. "They still worship him...."
"No, really, how much?"
- "It's not for sale."
"I can give you " and I opened my wallet to check..."Ten dollars."
- "Not for sale"
"Twenty Dollars..."
- "For the only known statue in the world of Arturo Fuento, God of fire and fine cigars? You have to be joking..."
"One hundred American dollars..."
- "Will that be cash or American Express?"
Now, naturally I don't expect you to be as flush as I was at the time, but I've come to realize that as I don't actually smoke cigars having the God of Cigars on my desk is a bit pointless. Not that I haven't prayed to him for other favours, but apparently he limits his interests to smoking. Doubtless he is the piece you've been looking for to watch over your humidor. Since I don't believe one should traffic in spirits or gods (at least not for base commerce), I'm offering him up in trade for something of equal ju-ju, but smaller. No more than 2 inches at it's broadest dimension (OK, 3 inches if it's really good). I'm downsizing. Don't tell me what it is, I trust you implicitly. Just let me know when you'll be coming to pick it up and I'll leave him on my front doorstep. (don't be late, it's damnably cold outside and I'm pretty sure he's not used to it....).