They're regulars, after a fashion, she a cougar, fifty something but according to reviews still highly desirable, he a youthful sixty, occasionally a couple, we're never quite sure...
They tip well.
And today, she, despite her six figure alimony, has something to sell.
She begins by accosting all the waiters and the owner, rubbing some lotion into the bags around their eyes.
I try to stay clear, but sooner or later I'm going to have to approach them, and when I do....
She's got a little spiel, this product will reduce bags under the eyes, the appearance of aging, it has been featured on this and that television show...and the Oscars....
She's very excited about it. Whatever it is, she doesn't need the money, she's got her six figure alimony, this is some sort of bizarre form of female self actualization.
Eventually she corners me, painting the lotion on beneath my eye, only one eye as she's detected my skepticism, wants me to decide for myself...
I'm not that interested, but none of the other waiters are either and she's a good customer, by which I mean she tips well and she's a friend of the owners, and so I have a bad feeling that I'm going to be the fall guy for this.
"it's only $89.00 per year, or just thirty-one cents per day......replenishes your skin with essential oils of lavender and lemon, ..." she prattles on while she rubs it into my eye.
The other customers look on with amusement. I try to tell her she's barking up the wrong tree, but she won't hear it.
Her friend, the off again - on - again boyfriend, he watches, she marvels what a difference it's made, he agrees, he's inscrutable, I can't tell if he uses the stuff, he's Asian, how could you? Do Asians even get bags under their eyes?
Here's the market. A restaurant filled with overworked Italians with bags under their eyes.
The slippery slope of this of course is going to be hair color, eye liner, tweezers and waxing of the ears and balls, strange devices specifically designed to reach those orifices that seem to serve no other function but generating dreadlocks, probably even I'll have to start working a shower into my routine and buy some fancy smelling soaps...
The odd thing was, before she came along I'd been thinking about some deep seated life changes. Like giving up the Cocaine and Dexedrine, trying to get myself down to a half bottle of scotch a day, cutting back the cigarettes, adding fruits, nuts and vegetables to my diet, hell, while I was at it I might even try to exercise, go to the gym or for a run even.
But as she prattles on I think I've discovered the cure. It's male cosmetics.