In the restaurant today, called in by the owner, G had spoken out of turn and told him that I was interested in working there again.
Which was, strictly speaking, not true, but I mentioned that I was looking for work and he extrapolated from that the fact I must want to come back.
And so I explain that perhaps, depending on the schedule it's a possibility but it was depending...and here he waves his hand "Speak to the manager..." and so I go and speak to her.
The schedule, it's the same, 3 days, 5 nights, soul-sucking. And with all the new staff members I'm not sure I see the point and I know damned well I don't want that schedule, not again. And if I think critically about it I don't want this job but it's easy, convenient, and I keep thinking it's the short term gap, the stepping stone to better things.
I tell her 2 days and 4 nights. I don't care if it's only part time (although two 14 hour days and two 8 hour nights add up to 40 hours in a hurry), and I understand that it's not the way things are done here.
The owner, he comes out and tells me now that it doesn't matter, if I can work the schedule great, if I can't he just thought he'd offer, he's getting wound up thinking that maybe I'm taking the piss, I'm writing my own schedule, and I can see there might be problems and I'm cursing G for bringing this up. I need to get my resume out there, get a 9:00-5:00 somewhere so I can schedule in my life, work towards greater things....
***
Herein lies the problem. All of these jobs are but the means to an end, none of them are an end in themselves. There are other things that prey upon me, have my interest and somewhat undivided attention but these things, they're intangible, they don't yield a profit (not yet at least) and no one here understands why you would want them. And so all of the spotty employment, time off, these are things taken in consideration of the big picture, and when I'm looking for work I don't want that cozy retirement situation, the death-until-your-65-and-retire mentality, I want something that feeds my spare time, my creative interests, if it inspires me, great, if not then let it pay me well and I'll find inspiration on my own time. It's remarkably straightforward, but few understand it. I'm working towards the big picture.