And for some reason I just remembered him. Someone I worked with 20 odd years ago.
An ass, really, tall - apparently good looking (the girls liked him) - and - well, the stories tell themselves.
Derren, spelled with 2 e's, I'm not certain it wasn't an affectation, or Derwood as I'd call him but you had to be careful he could be a bit "touchy". In your face sort-of touchy.
His story, his go-to story was about how he was on a midget hockey team *(he's in his 30's) and there was a guy there he didn't like. Cock of the Walk. A little too arrogant for Derren's taste. Nobody liked him.
This is a common thing in these stories, we justify our actions by saying "nobody liked him", and this, because there's no way anyone can check, it's a sphere of acquaintance we have no access to, we trust in the narrator.
I don't think I trusted Derren.
Anyways, they're going out of town to play at an overnight tournament and Derren had had enough of him. Was going to teach him a lesson, if you know what I mean.
So he took a shit in a zip-lock bag and froze it, and when they were getting on the bus dumped the frozen shit in his hockey bag.
By the time they got to the tournament and unpacked the shit was fully thawed. Messy.
Derren's laughing, boy, that sure shut him up!
And that's how Derren taught him a lesson.
***
Now Derren had grabbed the bus-boy, young, impressionable, nice kid. And too young to know any better and maybe, just maybe he was believing the stuff Derren was telling him.
Derren was telling him how Humble he was. I mean, laying it on thick; "You will never meet anyone humbler than I" sort of stuff, this after yet another "He Shoots - He Scores" saved the game sort of story, and he's repeating it over and over until - finally - I've had enough.
I interrupt. "I don't think 'humble' means what you think it means" I tell Derren, bus boy overhearing. "Humble people don't go around telling people how humble they are...".
Derren was unprepared for this. He was never prepared for any sort of battle of wits, and resented any correction. He drew himself up to full height, there was gonna be a hockey brawl, only another waiter - Dion, was nearby and laughing. And while he hated me he looked up to Dion and so my life was saved for another day...