A friend is having problems with her computer. So I take a look at it, I know something about these sorts of things.
And it has problems. I mean, real problems. A boot time of 15 minutes. Every crummy add-on and plugin you can get to "boost" your internet experience. A minimum of 5 minutes to launch a webpage.
So I volunteer to help her out, she's not rich and can't just run out and buy another PC when the old one isn't working properly. And besides, how enviromentally friendly would that be? So I get her to round up all her discs and drop the computer off - a Compaq 2500 laptop. Windows XP Home Edition. Pentium 4 chip, 60 GB HD and 512 RAM. I'm just going to format the PC and reinstall windows after backing up her files.
Now I've never done this before. Certainly not to my own PC, this is more of a "Networking" thing and I'm a programmer. Still, I've met quite a few network people, it's obviously not brain surgery, I've a working connection to the network off my PC, and so I begin.
Step 1: Back up the files.
Should be simple enough. She's never burned a CD on her computer, so I'll be the first. Except that 10 attempts later I haven't managed to burn a single CD, all attempts fail. Still, there's always a workaround - I backup her files to my server. Takes a bit longer, but this should be good.
Step 2: Format the HD.
Now I'm gonna cheat here and do it from the CD. Boot from CD and choose option 1, and completely format and reinstall the OS. But there's a problem. For some reason after boot the drive fails to read all the files...error messages, 73% of the way through. I take out the CD and check it, there's no scratches. But the errors persist. Windows won't install.
I try several times, it's always the same. Well, not ALWAYS the same. Sometimes the file copy fails at 23%, or 24%. It's always the same in that it fails, but not always the same where.
Now I'm hooped. This wonderful favour I'm doing is gonna look awfully bad if I go to return the PC in a non-working state. I mean, it didn't work before, or it did but barely...now it's not working at all. And every fresh attempt to install takes close to an hour. I go outside to have a smoke while I thing about how to break the news....
Finally I have an idea. The disc drive appears to be getting quite hot, perhaps this is causing the errors? And so I haul it outside and let it cool down for half an hour. It's minus 10°C outside, that should do it.
And sure enough, it installs without error.
Step 3: Download updates
I check the window firewall settings, for some reason they're off and won't allow me to turn it back on. But I check the network connection and it shows it as being secure, and so I begin the long task of downloading the countless updates windows has provided since SP1. Which are a lot. And I download some security software as well, but I begin to get strange errors. Pop-ups telling me the PC is shutting down. I'm unable to bring up webpages despite having an active internet connection. Viruses. This goes on for a few hours. I'm getting nowhere, the PC is getting worse, not better, and I still can't seem to get online via the browser.
Step 4: SP 3
Why not? This will make it something in the neighborhood of 30 updates. I can get online after reboot for 3, 5 minutes at most. I've installed Zone-Alarm, which is indicating there are some serious problems. Frequent attacks on the PC. Shaw would appear to be the Hacker highway.
But SP 3 installs and the real fun begins. The computer reboots to finalize the install, and then goes into this endless cycle of rebooting. It never reaches the windows screen. This SP 3 has gone horribly wrong. And googling it I find that there are hundreds, thousands of reports of this, something conflicting in the hardware-software configuration. Microsoft has a free hotline to call. I find some steps I can try to restore the PC, none work. I can't boot it into safe mode, it just reboots. I access the recovery console, but the suggested steps there fail. Finally I just resolve to restart the whole reformating procedure, leaving off SP3 in the updates.
Step 5: Format HD & Reinstall Windows
Naturally I freeze the PC for half an hour first. To ensure that it boots from CD properly. And Windows reinstalls, the PC boots normally. Now the client, my friend, has suggested that I download Shaw Secure - her ISP's free antivirus solution. Which I do. And I run a scan of the PC and discover that there are 695 Viruses. Many, of course, are instances of the same virus. I delete what I can, but this corrupts the OS, files like Word won't launch, there are windows.exe errors. I run the antivirus 3 times, deleting what I can, physically going in to delete folders the program won't. Finally the PC scans virus free.
Step 6: Format HD & Reinstall Windows.
But it's so damned late and I need to sleep. It's been 2 days on this freakin PC and I've had it.
The next day I format the HD and run a repair installation on Windows. And it starts up without a hitch. Programs work. I copy files back onto her PC. All done. And the computer runs much, much quicker. I've updated to Windows XP SP2, with all the security updates. I've installed Windows IE 7 and Firefox. There are other things, but she needs it back right away, she's gonna pick it up, she needs to do some work.
But it's done, working like new, even better than new because it doesn't have all the useless shit they stick on PC's, just what she uses, it runs as quick for her as it's going to get. And there's a bit of a high there, knowing you've conquered insurmountable odds to get this PC up and working, I understand why networkers frequently mistake themselves for Gods, but I wonder why it has to be that way with Windows...I mean, who realizes when they are buying a product that they are commiting themselves to a lifetime of debugging, updates, virus scans and security patches? When they could get an even better product for free, such as Linux. Or a Mac. One never hears of this stuff happening with a Mac. It's the shortsightedness of consumers. PC's are sold new with Windows, part of the monopoly, and so people get used to working with what they have, battling it daily, rather than spend 1/10th the time learning a new OS that's going to do what they want and work the way they want.
And what's really funny, in a dark sort of way...people pirate this stuff.
But I'm relieved that I'm done, grateful it's working, I feel when it's over about as warm towards Microsoft as I do towards those Russian hackers, but at least it's working. Better and shinier than before.
She calls later, she's looking through her files, can't find one, she's not upset but it represents her lifes work. Funny, I thought I copied them all...She's not upset, it's just that it's her lifes work....
(She called later. I did copy it, just into another file folder. She had found it. She wasn't really upset, but it was her life's work.)