I’m just wondering what’s up with the CompanyX cheque.
I don’t like to ask, and I don’t want you to think it’s because I haven’t paid the rent for May because the landlord’s pretty cool with it and when he asks me for money I just nod wisely and say “so much thought for money, but what about our souls?....” and he laughs and tells me I’m a good guy and I can pay him what I want when I want.
And I don’t’ want you to think it’s because I have the kids this weekend and there’s no food in the cupboard because we’re getting by just fine, although the kids have started to question a few things like:
- girl: “My mom says that dandelions and grass aren’t really vegetables…”
- me: “SALAD!! It’s a SALAD!!!”
or
- boy: “My mom says that dirt and water make mud”
- me: “Shut up and finish your Turkish porridge or there’ll be no salad for dinner”
And it’s not because they’re going to shut off the electricity because I can plug in my laptop next door and charge the battery and if I wander around the neighborhood for a few hours I can usually find an unsecured wireless network to connect to.
Gas? Gas, Schmass, it’s summer.
And toilet paper isn’t really necessary because if the kids ask I’ll just tell them we’re doing a practice run for our vacation to China, and to use the personal sized newspaper strips I’ve ripped from the many free flyers I get and if they complain I’ll tell them how lucky they are to be going to China because I never went anywhere when I was a kid.
Then I’ll send them to the yard to collect some crickets for dinner.
No, no, none of the above would induce me to write, the reason I ask is that tomorrow (Saturday, May 30) is GARAGE SALE DAY - WEEK 8 and the thought that I might be skint while all sorts of phenomenal bargains steal away from under my nose is more than I can bear.
Imagine: I’m at a garage sale and someone is offering up these treasures for sale:
- A Bakelite knob from an old brownie camera
- Most of a deck of playing cards
- A stage-west glass with a picture of Jamie Farr (Klinger from Mash) on it
And all of the items are a quarter each, but the guy holding the sale says I can have them all for 50 cents, but I only have 23 cents but I don’t show him how much I have because he might get greedy so I offer him a nickel and we bargain for a bit and it ends up that I can have the whole lot of items for a quarter. Which, as you’ll agree, is a heck of a bargain, but I only have 23 cents.
Imagine the agony of my family. The boy, Klinger is his Idol. It’s the reason he got into acting and while I initially tried to discourage it in favour of a more regular and steady paying job he countered with “like being a web developer daddy?” and I couldn’t really argue and vowed on the spot to support him no matter what his career decisions.
The girl collects pokemon cards so we’d just scratch out the pictures on the playing cards and make them into our own pokemons and so she’d be heartbroken that we couldn’t have them. Maybe the deck would have a few jacks or queens left in it, which are naturally high ranking pokemons and then she’d be doubly disappointed.
And then there’s me. Casting a final, forlorn glance at the Bakelite knob, probably a dealer would show up and snap it up to sell it on at the flea market on Sunday, but what with his markup and all it would probably come in at a dollar or so and I couldn’t justify an expense like that and so it would be yet another bargain slipped through my fingers forever.
So while I hate asking and all, where's the cheque?