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A café acquaintance, artist, hosting a little Xmas card making party at the Art Gallery last week. I'm invited.
And while I really have no need of a "card making" party I might as well go, my rounds of the café's and library are making me a little narrow.
And so Thursday, still smarting from my failed attempts at painting a still life, I'm off to the Gallery.
She's a table set up in the lobby, with perhaps 10 or a dozen adults all gathered around. Most of them seem to know her, she's pretty social saying "Hi" to everyone at the café so I shouldn't be as surprised as I am.
This "Card Making Class", it becomes clear pretty quick, is basically just a Kindergarten for adults, there are scissors you can help yourself to, glue sticks, all manners of wrapping paper and scraps to cut up, card-stock, (No first aid kit, which I'm going to suggest for the next one), and everyone is really working way too hard on this, cutting their perfect little trees out of paint swatches, some of them, it becomes apparent, are pretty talented at cutting Christmas Trees and stamping Snowflakes and arranging their little personalized Xmas greetings.
Me, I only need a couple of cards, and I'm not going to overboard on this, I'm really there to support her Craft Course. And I'm annoyed. Annoyed that other people are taking this so seriously, annoyed that my Bob-Ross Styled painting failed so miserably, and still wondering "Why?", reflecting on the grim incompetence I'm faced with whenever I set up an easel or open a tube of paint, it shouldn't be this way, not a little bit, not at all...
And the thing is I quite enjoy the process, the making, it's merely when I'm confronted with the results that my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach, no, this won't do, this won't do at all...whereas Bob Ross only ever had "Happy Little Accidents" my paintings too often turn into full on abortions; and given the abundance of videos, guides, step-by-step frame-by-frame tutorials how am I still this bad?
Bitterly I'm wondering why this card making class is so simple, there could be rubber stamps, stencils, watercolors, we're at a gallery after all, there should be razor blades, glitter glue, glitter, maybe I'll host my own card-making class...
Why why why so many questions I don't dare to ask....
Meh, I'm done, take my two cards and leave, have to find a couple of unsuspecting victims for my cards, people who'll wonder what three year olds they know who are sending out Xmas cards, they'll figure it out pretty quick, and all my complaining comes down to my inability to see or follow through on the most inane "how-to" of YouTube videos...
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And, while not in the library I've been trying to learn a bit of Latin.
Ridiculous but I come across a fair bit of untranslated Latin in my reading, and it's something I should be able to read.
And once you can read Latin you have a pretty big leg up on the romance languages - Spanish, Italian, so - while I have time, it can't hurt.
First week, Duolingo, their website, free, learning to say dumbass sentences, their "tried and true" learning model - winning "hearts' and unlocking levels, basically making language into a video game, it's fine. But when it starts telling me I have to buy hearts to continue it's time to move on.
Now to YouTube, where there's an abundance of videos and the only thing it demands is that I pay attention, and my attention span, it's been in short supply lately, but we'll get it together, and with 15-20 minutes a day I should be fluent within the year...
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A few weeks ago (yeah, blog, behind), classes at the library. On Podcasting and Marketing. Why not? They're free. And so I attend.
Good, informative, on how to write successful, punchy copy, layout brochures, organize a podcast, write for radio/podcasting.
Good, useful, not exactly what I was looking for - but then, what was I looking for?
The teacher, 40 years in "The business" certainly new his stuff, affable and explained it thoroughly and well. The class, first class, 4 people, 2 people for the last class, so plenty of time for questions, answers, will be watching for more classes at the library. Time well spent.
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Now, with my new phone package kicked in, tethering my computer to the phone.
It's slow, but better than nothing, and my computer, it's not so quick anyways. Not so speedy.
And I've noticed, when I'm on the computer I'm up to a lot more intelligent pursuits than when I'm on the phone.
There's no endless scrolling or Facebooking, the computer's too slow, I have to go on it with reasonably intelligent questions looking for answers, research, it doesn't facilitate the click-scroll-click-bait behaviors, on the phone, 20 minutes on Facebook and I'm getting ads for Adult ADD behavior, on the computer I'm not going on Facebook.
So, slight improvements, one by one...
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So, finally, confronting my anxiety and resolving to use up my art supplies.
Most of which, at the time of this writing, have pleasantly decayed into uselessness, repeated freeze-thawing of the watercolors, acrylics and oils has left very little that remains useful.
Whew.
Before beginning I consult with some of the innumerable YouTube videos on the particular topic I've chosen.
"Painting for Imbeciles". Results may vary.
I comb through them, there are many, many, many and I watch quite a few before settling on a couple I like.
This should be a cinch.
Of course, it isn't, and while the artist/narrator surely knows his stuff it's not coming through the screen to me.
They tell me that color and shape and tonality are important.
Like bloody hell they are.
I paint along. If he's painting a ballerina I end up with Bigfoot. If he's painting a still life I end up with a bullet-ridden corpse.
Maybe they were right?
Are these my eyes? What in the hell am I doing wrong? If I stand 10 feet back from the canvas, glasses off, it only vaguely resembles what I'm working towards.
Step any closer and it falls apart.
Rub it out, try again.
And again.
And again.
I'm realizing why I so long postponed this, what I can't figure out is how I have so many art supplies...
Subcategories
Dating
OK. I've been on a few internet dates. I confess this with the same reluctance I would admitting to masturbating, adultery, or excessive drinking and drug use.
This is a list of some of my best -- AND WORST -- dates ever. Note that you gotta go on a lotta dates to get this kinda list, this kinda discouraged. And my online dating thing has been sporadic - an every few years kind of thing at best. Some of these dates go back 10 years, others are a little more recent. And to answer any people who might argue "It beats hooking up at the bar", well, you don't have to hook up at the bar, and at the bar you can see what your getting...
Anyways - apologies to the countless normal, decent dates that I went on but just didn't hit it off with. Memory is selective, it tends towards the extreme, and in this you will find the extremes...
Dear Osama
In which I write everyone's favorite advice columnist.
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