Drop off your children with a toy ambulance and police car and let them play.
Tell the Librarian you'll be back at 4:00 to pick them up. Reassure her they've got fresh batteries.
Enjoy the free wi-fi, turn up your video. Play your game on your phone. Candy crush, turn up the volume so you can hear the pleasing sounds of reward. That everyone can hear. That "Ching-Ching-Ching" like a slot machine paying off. Get on Skype, WhatsApp, time for your group chat. It's OK. That's what the library is for.
They can't hear you? Of course they can't. They're in Mumbai, Johannesburg, Berlin, Tai-Pei or Beijing, SPEAK UP!
Talk loudly to the librarian about the book you ordered and is it in, you called. Maybe she doesn't understand so talk louder. Yeah, it's going to be a great book. Terrific book. You know the Author? Trui-sh crime. Speculative Fiction. No, no, his other books were fiction but this is classed as speculative fiction, that's why you couldn't find it.
Bring your drum and practice, the drum circle is coming soon and you want to be prepared. Just play it lightly, you don't want to disturb the children....
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Library Etiquette, not here. Far better in Vancouver.