Home

The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness

Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Link of the day

Published: 06 February 2015

Hits: 2204

• Love,
• Relationships,

With Valentines approaching I thought I'd post some links of relevant interest.

#1 - NY Times - To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This

#2 - Building Epic Relationships in 1 Hour (Via Superhero Experiments)

#3 - The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness - A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings (Dr. Aron & Ass) (Original Experiment Paper)

To sum it up briefly, an accelerated program to build intimacy, which relies on the participants TRUTHFULLY asking and answering a series of questions of one another. The original study resulted in the 2 strangers/participants getting married, the NY Times article takes a similar slant. I've taken the liberty of pasting the questions below, should any of the links above die...

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why? 

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you? 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose? 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be? 

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 

14. Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship? 

17. What is your most treasured memory? 

18. What is your most terrible memory? 

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 

20. What does friendship mean to you? 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's? 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? 

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "we are both in this room feeling…" 

26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone with whom I could share…" 

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met. 

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet? 

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why 

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Variations 

37. If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it? 

38. Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth? 

39. While on a trip to another city, your spouse/lover meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given they will never meet again, and you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it?

Note: While the questions are an excellent springboard towards building intimacy, don't forget that 90% of communication is non-verbal and be sure to choose your targets wisely...you could end up living with them the rest of your ilfe!

2 from when I was 21

Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Miscellany

Published: 04 February 2015

Hits: 2182

• rod boyle,

Almost forgot I was young once, until the brother hauled up a couple of vintage pictures of me from the basement. From when I was 21, living in London...the squatters life...

Hiking around Glencoe with Stephane...Always the rain...

The Best Xmas Gift Ever...

Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Miscellany

Published: 31 January 2015

Hits: 2330

• Ben,
• Elmo,
• Bondage,
• Punish,

Now the secret-Santa at work fell through, which was a shame as I'm a fan of giving gifts and all, so I took it upon myself to conduct my own secret-Santa and chose "Ben", a dishwasher/assistant chef at work to be the recipient of my gift.

Now store-bought gifts are great, but given the choice I'd choose a handmade one any day of the week. I decide to inflict my values upon Ben. Ben is 24 yrs old, about 5'3", lives at home in his Mom's basement, and tells me the most inappropriate stories of his sex life. Like how his girlfriend wanted to spice things up and be "punished" and so he took her to his parents bedroom and did it there..."Wasn't sleeping with you punishment enough?" I ask, he's not so impressed...

Anyways, this is how the legend of "Ben the Punisher is born". For Xmas I made him a diorama, I could have continued it and made it even more detailed, but then I might have fallen prey to his demented perversity. I preserved the ratio of heights to Ben (Waitresses approximately 6-9" taller).

Converting an old electric fireplace/heater into a diorama, I created Ben's Basement, see photos below.

The short he-man is Ben (Notice carefully crafted whip), the hanging nude barbie is a waitress I work with, and the Elmo in Bondage is another dishwasher who looks remarkably like Elmo (but strangely resents my pointing it out...).

Ben Punishing the waitress...

A view of the other corner of the basement, where his next victim (another waitress) awaits her turn with Ben the Punisher. Note the horrified look on Elmo's face.

IN the end he wasn't so impressed, took out the dolls and chucked them, and gave the fireplace to his girlfriend to use as a bedside table. I didn't tell him about all the dismembered barbies I coated with blood and placed beneath the cellar floor. It should be amusing when she finds them.

***

Despite a couple of the waitresses declaring it to be "The Best Christmas Present Ever...", it was a lot of effort wasted on a rather unappreciative audience. In future I think I'll sell my artwork on Etsy and use the proceeds to buy people the store-bought Christmas gifts they so crave...