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Homoerotic Boxer Shorts
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 3001
There's a long list of things I need to start the New Year.
New Socks. Every pair I own, bar one mismatched set, has at least one hole in the heel or toe, most have several. And while I've entrusted my daughter with the task of buying me new socks for Christmas it's best to be safe and I really can't wait any longer and so I buy some for myself.
Then there are shoes. My old shoes, they're fine, but there are superstitions that suggest one should start the New Year in new shoes. And so I've kept my eyes peeled on my infrequent trips to the Women In Need and have finally found 2 pairs of appropriate black dress shoes. The old shoes, with their smooth leather soles, were crazy to walk on, especially given the weather. The new shoes have textured rubber soles, normally I'd disapprove but have come to appreciate the practicality in our rather unpredictable climate.
A couple of new sweaters, just because I found them and liked them and at a couple of dollars each couldn't really leave them.
A couple of pairs of jeans, used but brand new, which I bought, size 30 waist but I figured I should be able to fit into them, I'm slim, aren't I? But all the feasting on scraps at the restaurant has put a couple of pounds on me and they're tight enough that I can't breathe or bend properly, my New Years resolution to lose a few pounds and save myself searching for some new jeans.
And then there are the boxer shorts. Men's briefs. The old ones I have, some several years old, have finally given out, the waistband has stretched, the seams have broken, there are holes where my bits fall out and they're an embarrassment. It's a new year, and, goddamn it, it's time I treat myself to some new underwear!! These can't be bought used, shouldn't be bought used and so I head off to a department store where I can hopefully find some at a hopefully not unreasonable price.
And I'm looking and the selection is OK, not great, there are the briefs, a silhouette of a mans torso with these fruit-of-the-loom type Y-Front on the front of them. Nope. More for the IT nerds who still live at home. There are the bikini-briefs with a color photograph of a man's torso, but I'm definitely not a bikini-brief sort of guy, unless they come in Leopard skin or Zebra prints.
Finally there are the boxers.
Now it's a big section, this underwear section, and the boxers, alone amongst all the briefs, have these full body and face pictures of the male models on them. And every one of them has got a "Aw, shucks Huckleberry ya' caught me now whaddya think we oughta do...." look on their face, sort of a coy, blushing, boyish embarrassment....
I'm looking through them, trying to find my size, a style that I like, and I notice other men standing beside me, also checking out the selection, there's that awkward moment that men share like when they're in a public urinal together standing side by side not talking because everyone hates to be talked to by strangers while they're fucking taking a piss...
You can't help but notice the models, you have to look at them, they're the only indication of what the boxers are going to look like when you get to put them on. The boxers, that is, because there's no way in your wildest dreams you're going to end up looking like the models with their finely ripped abs and too-toned bodies....
It slowly dawns on me as I'm perusing the selection, taking my time, trying to make the RIGHT choice because one day I just might be seen in them, that the others, the invisible men beside me that I haven't looked at because there's that peculiar sort of men's room etiquette in play that gives others their privacy as they shop for their undergarments and there's the mutual unacknowledged embarrassment of having to stare at naked men to buy your underwear; that the others buying underwear are taking their time too, poring over the illustrations, edging closer, and it finally occurs to me that I've stumbled into a gay cruising zone...
Of course, the homoerotic illustrations on the Hanes Packaging should have been my first clue.
"Still", I muse as I quickly make my selections and get out of there..."Gay men have impeccable taste..."
The Longest Night of the Year
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2089
It's the longest night of the year.
Obviously. It's not light outside until past 8:30, then dark again before 5:00. The sun's just rising when you leave for work, and long set when you return.
And it's long because it's work, work, work, every dollar earned applied towards bills and debts, the institutions, the people, a tiny bit grafted from the top for cigarettes and liquor, the fuel of these 16 hour work days....
But knowing, somehow, that it's the longest night of the year, that the nights will grow shorter and the the days will lengthen, that the Christmas rush is almost over and the workdays will shorten, that money may someday in the distant future be used freely to ones own ends, it gives you hope...
Tributes and Accolades
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2329
I've never worked in a restaurant where the owner got gifts from his customers.
But here, every day, there are tributes. Christmas cards. Boxes of fine chocolates; hedgehogs, truffles, trays of Baklava and sweets from the Indian Sweet shop. Elaborate floral displays with rare orchids and exotic flowers. The chocolates and food he leaves on the line so the waiters and staff can help themselves. It's a new feast every day and my trousers grow tight around my waist.
I've never seen this before, not on this scale; somehow he manages a personal relationship with all of his customers, it's impressive. And even more impressive, he doesn't hoard it or lay it aside as his own spoils, it's for everyone that works here. That is rare.
Waiting Tables in London
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Dreams
- Hits: 1710
2 naps in 1 day. I am exhausted.
This time I'm in a pub in London, not the London I used to live in but another London, similar but in a parallel universe, waiting tables, it's my first night on the job and I'm completely lost, someone, a waiter in a pub - restaurant. A waiter I used to work with there a long time ago hands me a beer and a cup of coffee and tells me to take it to "the Reverend" who's in the far end of restaurant...table 95 he says, I ask where it is and he tells me to cut through the barn and I'll find it...
I'm cutting through the barn and the little paddocks and this calf takes a shine to me, like an over eager dog, keeps leaping up on me and licking my face, I can't find my way, can't lose the calf, finally I take this shortcut through an open storefront where I tie the calf to a nail on the office desk....
"Well I never..." say the proprietors of the store, they're talking about the calf that's still wanting to play with me...
I ask where table 95 is, they give me directions, I'm off and searching again, the hotel/restaurant, it's at the far end, and I'm lost because the blocks are all crooked, they don't run parallel with the streets, and time is running, has run out....
Finally I find it, a small pub, there are a bunch of legless dwarfs in it, dressed in odd clothes, playing cards but not regular playing cards, other, odd cards, one plays a hand, the other says something, I'm looking for the Reverend, I think I see him, the dwarfs are making calls as they lay down their cards, one of them makes a call in an unusually deep voice with a heavy North American Accent, I look at him for a second and I recognize Tom Korte, whom I haven't seen since elementary school..."Tom Korte I presume" I say, stepping forward to shake his hand, glad at the familiar face in a strange land...."I didn't recognize you, you look.....well... different", he takes this the wrong way, he looks odd, a coconut shaped head, long features like a monkey carved into a coconut; he seems to realize my awkwardness and takes offense; "I'm doing very well, thank you...my investments have worked out nicely...."
And I'm running again, I've given up, lost in this London-not-London, trying to find my way on foot between distant remembered tube stops, to find Fleet street or Piccadilly Circus or someplace, anyplace that I can remember, there's someone I have to meet, I feel bad about leaving my job but I'd have never found my way anyways, was too lost, I wonder about the person, a friend (I don't know who) who had gotten work with me at the pub, but they'll be all right.....
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