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Pirates
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 903
Inspired by Marcel Schwob's "Imaginary Lives" I took to researching some of the more entertaining pirate histories (popular reading back in the day, and if "Pirates of the Caribbean" is any guide, as popular today...).
Of Note - The Pirate's Code:
I. Every man has a vote in affairs of moment; has equal title to the fresh provisions, or strong liquors, at any time seized, and may use them at pleasure, unless a scarcity makes it necessary, for the good of all, to vote a retrenchment.
II. Every man to be called fairly in turn, by list, on board of prizes because, (over and above their proper share,) they were on these occasions allowed a shift of clothes: but if they defrauded the company to the value of a dollar in plate, jewels, or money, marooning was their punishment. If the robbery was only betwixt one another, they contented themselves with slitting the ears and nose of him that was guilty, and set him on shore, not in an uninhabited place, but somewhere, where he was sure to encounter hardships.
III. No person to game at cards or dice for money.
IV. The lights and candles to be put out at eight o'clock at night: if any of the crew, after that hour still remained inclined for drinking, they were to do it on the open deck;
V. To keep their piece, pistols, and cutlass clean and fit for service.
VI. No boy or woman to be allowed amongst them. If any man were to be found seducing any of the latter sex, and carried her to sea, disguised, he was to suffer death;
VII. To desert the ship or their quarters in battle, was punished with death or marooning.
VIII. No striking one another on board, but every man's quarrels to be ended on shore, at sword and pistol.
IX. No man to talk of breaking up their way of living, till each had shared one thousand pounds. If in order to this, any man should lose a limb, or become a cripple in their service, he was to have eight hundred dollars, out of the public stock, and for lesser hurts, proportionately.
X. The Captain and Quartermaster to receive two shares of a prize: the master, boatswain, and gunner, one share and a half, and other officers one and quarter.
XI. The musicians to have rest on the Sabbath Day, but the other six days and nights, none without special favour.[44][45]
In short, the Pirate trade was not only lucrative, but one of the fairest around - far superior to the Royal Navy.
Start with Bartholomew Roberts, inspiration for "The Dread Pirate Roberts" in the Princess Bride
... a tall black [i.e. dark complexioned] Man, near forty Years of Age ... of good natural Parts, and personal Bravery, tho' he apply'd them to such wicked Purposes, as made them of no Commendation, frequently drinking 'Damn to him who ever lived to wear a Halter'.
Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholomew_Roberts
And, my favorite: Captain Stede Bonnet, gentleman tobacco farmer who turned to Piracy to escape a nagging wife, only to end up being schooled by "Teach, or "Blackbeard".
In his Way he met with a Pyrate Sloop of ten Guns, commanded by one Major Bonnet, lately a Gentleman of good Reputation and Estate in the Island of Barbadoes, whom he joyned; but in a few Days after, Teach, finding that Bonnet knew nothing of a maritime Life, with the Consent of his own Men, put in another Captain, one Richards, to Command Bonnet’s Sloop, and took the Major on aboard his own Ship, telling him, that as he had not been used to the Fatigues and Care of such a Post, it would be better for him to decline it, and live easy and at his Pleasure, in such a Ship as his, where he should not be obliged to perform Duty, but follow his own Inclinations.
Wikipedia on Captain Stede Bonnet: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stede_Bonnet
Wikipedia on Blackbeard: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackbeard
Wikipedia on Captain Kidd: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Kidd
on Anne Bonny: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Bonny
on Calico Jack: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calico_Jack
on Henry Morgan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Morgan
The original "A General History of the Pyrates", via Project Guttenberg: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/40580/40580-h/40580-h.htm
Now, before this turns to into a long list of Pirates I'll just refer you onward to Wiki's list of Pirates: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_pirates
And their list of Pirate Flags: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jolly_Roger
And, finally, this article on the loot recovered from the wreck of Black Sam Bellamy's "Whydah" - an estimated $100 MILLION dollars worth of treasure found only 115 feet from shore and 30 feet down. Link: https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/bayarea/article/World-s-only-real-pirate-treasure-dug-up-and-5200102.php
Stormy on the Town
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 670
Today, the realization of the long anticipated "Stormy out on the Town". Which, if you've dealt with old age and decrepitude, you might correctly surmise was a bust.
He's gotten my postcard, is giving it back to me advising that it's from Queen Elizabeth, personal friend of his (this is the stamp, I was in a rush and didn't buy the more interesting ones...), and he's up and raring to go. Wheelchair to bus, bus downtown, wheelchair around.
First stop is the bank. While he's been laying around the hospital his OAP has been piling up.
The tellers are glad to see him, it's been a while, and he sits in the chair while they fetch him $200 - in $5, $10 & $20 denominations. From here to get cigarettes, he stops and gives a panhandler $5.00. He's rich for the day. Cigarettes bought it's now time to wheel him up to El Taco, and he sits across the street passed out in front of a window while I fetch his burrito. Returning I wake him, visit other of his street friends, acquaintances, rush him to the washroom (too late, by the looks of things), then to the candy store, the toy store, he buys some art off a friend - local "artist" whose art - like Stormy's - has a certain inimitable style.
An hour passes, I've wheeled him from one end of town to another, he's barking me directions, "Take me here" and "Do this" and "Take me there", I'm Ishmael to his Ahab, and he's now cold and wants to go home. But the bus doesn't come for another hour, and so we plot to fill the time, but he's done, done, done, I have to shake him to make sure he's not dead.
Return him to the hospital, he falls into bed. He's impressed by how far we've travelled, how many people we saw, how much he's done.
A couple of days later, visiting him again, he's recalling what a success the outing was, and we're going to have to do it again next week, he has money left to spend...
For Sale: '94 Jeep Grand Cherokee
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: For Sale
- Hits: 369
(Trying to sell this goddamn thing on Kijiji and Facebook only they limit my description)
(**Update: Nah,Facebook keeps taking it down after 100 or so likes/shares. Bastards!!)
For Sale: One '94 Jeep Grand Cherokee.
JEEP: 1 Brake compromised by leaking bejeezuz fluid, How many brakes do you need? I just hang my foot/leg/Peg out the drivers side door and let it drift down the mountain. Never had a problem. gapped out, grew numb and heard the "mwah mwah mwah" of the mechanic, Jalopy, Odometer: Works, Trip Meter: Works (You'll be needing that, more on it later), Fuel Guage: Full until about 60 KM after filling at which it shows empty. See Trip Meter. Ashtray: Glorious! NEVER FAILED ME YET! Cigarette Lighter: Replaced fuse, now works, use lighter. Radio: Works, Headlights: On/Off, Wipers: Work, Windshield: Present, Electric Windows: Work but use the ashtray, Doors: Open. Um, don't open that....Majestic, Motor Horse, Gallant Iron Steed, Steel Chariot of Fury, Chariot of the Gods, Thrilling: It got me here, now will it get me back? Millstone of infinite debt, Wallet of vanishing savings, Kootenay Gold Mine,
$5000 dollars. They called me every day to advise me how much the estimate has increased, and I "Sure, go-ahead" them every time. They asked for an advance. Why not? I'm a good faith customer. I love this jeep. I only wanted trouble free motoring.
...DOn't lowball me, I know what I have here, don't go trying to dicker me down...back whumping: Comes with 4 litres of oil, (why fix the seals, just top it up every other fill), half a litre of Windshield wiper fluid, transmission fluid (which never leaked or looked dirty, so - what the fuck?), 2 Litres Antifreeze, 3/4 tank of gas (Trip reads 75 KM), The false hope of a broken U-Joint, My investment in trouble-free motoring...4 winter tires, Thule Roof Rack, Lightbar,
Become a Kootenay Landlord and rent it out! park it on your property/the street, find a family of 4 new to the area, (Check Facebook: "Hi I'm rachel and this is Marky and our dog frenzy and our babies twaila and twinna and we've just moved to the area from hoboken and are looking for a " this baby could bring in $1200/Month easy! Or - hey - you greedy? Air BNB it!!!!
AND IT RUNS! Unprecedented for a car under $10,000 in BC! Yep, you can drive this baby home before you give it it's forever parking spot...
Worth it's weight in Gold to the aspiring young prospecter, by which I mean have it's weight in gold ready when you buy it, you'll need it for the mechanic.
Maybe there's a Canadian Tire magical additive that will restore your transmission and repair the oil leaks? And while you're at it improve your fuel mileage? Probably there are several, and for $100 worth of quack remedies this baby can be starring front-row-centre in "FURY ROAD 2 - REVENGE OF THE DOOF WARRIOR ..." about a malcontented guitarist with a flamethrowing guitar seeking revenge on an array of Bumblefuck Kootenay Mechanics...I'm willing to throw in the first draft for an extra $1000 and bring back the Baker Street Air Drummer to reprise his role in the back seat. Don't worry, he'll have his earbuds in.
Pictures of the Jeep are also available for purchase as Non-Fungible Tokens at a starting bid of $30,000 each. Some dents as per expected given it's extensive off-road explorations
They fixed the thingamajig, the whatchamacallit, the doo-hicky, the headlight (see photo), OMG, they did it all, and I looked forward to many years of trouble free motoring. (I have reciepts)
Fuel Filter, Cam Shaft Sensor, Motor Chariot, Iron Steed,
Twice voted the "Best looking prospector between Balfour and Ainsworth".
A friend "gifted" it to me, the way you might gift a white elephant or herpes or whatever to a close friend...Never look a gift horse in the mouth, but always, always look under the bonnet of a gifted jeep. No shit. And crawl underneath the fucker and open every door - and try and close it -
***
Investment Opportunity: Become a Kootenay Landlord! For a mere.... you could own this '94 Jeep Grand Cherokee. While you'll be able to drive it home the failing transmission doesn't recommend taking it on any long-haul journeys.
That said:
- Spacious Outdoor Bathroom & Kitchen
- Excellent for foraging
- 1 time only close to whatever Amenity your heart so desires.
- Winter Tires (read: Doesn't need any tires put it up on blocks wow this is a gold mine already!!!!)
- Roof Rack (read: Abundant storage)
- 5 Seats, the 3 back of which fold down to accommodate whatever shade of Kootenay Polyamory you're into.
Yep, that's right, this baby could be rented out tomorrow - earning you a cool $X000 per month. "TO WHOM? You ask? My God, they'll be lining up!!! Winter's almost here!!! You know that annoying facebook couple that post pictures of themselves with an ad that reads something like this:
"Hi My Name is KUKI and this is my boyfriend Adam although sometimes I call him "Madam" or "Madman" hahaha and this is our little chihuahua "FRENZY" hahaha that's not rabies he just ate a bat and you know we're looking for a place here in town to rent we'd like to move here I have my own business my "OnlyFans' page has almost 30 subscribers and Madam (hahaha) is going to be studying "The theory of Chiromancy" at Selkirk college next fall ideally we'd like to have a big yard and live close to cool like minded people like us we love it here so much and want to hear back from you soon."
Yep. Let them begin doing their time.
SO - that said, what say you pick up this little baby and let the rental income start pouring in...?
I Saw The Devil - 2010
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Film
- Hits: 1195
2010, South Korean thriller/horror/drama about a detective who goes on a revenge quest against the serial killer that murdered his girlfriend.
Well done, but of no interest whatsoever.
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