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"Are you dog-friendly?"
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Conversations
- Hits: 871
A question which comes up far too often, which you're to interpret as "Are you willing to break all of health-Canada's rules to accommodate my pet..."
The answer is always, unequivocally "NO". We hear it all - "Emotional Support Animals" and "But she/he's so cute/well behaved/gentle/etc, etc."
I imagine asking them if they'd mind my waiving the rule that requires me to wash my hands after shitting. Why not? Rules are made to be broken. Or the rules around storing and preparing food? Leave that fish out on the counter for a day or so - we'll feed it to our rule-breaking customers.
Rules are rules. Pets, like children, are rarely as they're described, and the law forbids having them in the restaurant or on the patio. The only exceptions are recognized "Service" Dogs, which have an orange vest to identify them. We do concede they can dine on the beach with their pet - we have picnic tables, and if not too busy we'll serve down there - but ....
The dog, it's a foot in the door - a way of getting people to break one rule so you can break a few more, rules regarding good manners, tipping, etc, etc. You give in to them on this one small thing and always you'll regret it - the "Are you dog friendly?" is a flag for someone you most certainly don't want to serve, it's the tip of the iceberg for someone who is most probably a celiac, needs honey and soya or almond milk with their caffeine-free tea, the list goes on and on....
The Demons of Proctor
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 1097
For such a small community it's spawned more than it's share. There's a portal there, for sure, that leads directly to the pits of hell.
"Bobbi" is one of their demons, a proper internet Karen, forever complaining - in the least pleasant terms imaginable, about any and everything. We've considered banning her, merely waiting the appropriate time.
She comes in with a couple of our regulars - an old waitress and her friend. Lovely people, good customers, tippers.
This isn't good. You can't bar her now - although they both know she can be a handful, still they've chosen to hang out with her.
So - not my table, not my problem, and she finds fault with something and goes off on the server. Properly off, although I'm not there to witness I can see by how flustered he is that things aren't going well, and by the end he's of my mind to bar her.
The next night the waitress she was out with is there with her family for dinner. Bobbi comes in, ignores her, picks up a to-go order. I point out that M***** is there, but she chooses not to acknowledge her.
The incident is forgotten, Bobbi comes in with other guests, forever we're forestalling barring her.
Then C**** - the other guest/friend from the night of her blow-up, comes in with an explanation.
This is good.
After Bobbi's little explosion on her server she went to the washroom. While in the washroom she left her phone on the table, set to record. And so she later listened how inexcusably ruder her behavior was, and then barred her friends.
When I say people are demons, and people choose to ignore me, they do so at their peril...
New Taboos
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 952
It used to be that you couldn't discuss Sex, Religion or Politics.
Used to be. In the Olden Days of Yore. Now: "I like to bugger goats" is a perfectly acceptable introduction and no one is in the least offended by the title of Mr./Mrs Goat Buggerer.
Religion is essentially Child Buggery, which still seems to offend the majority, so bringing it up merely solicits agreement that it's bad, and on Politics everyone agrees to disagree.
But try and bring up "Science" or "Medicine" and see how quickly you're ostracized...I mean, just try it!
Stormy's Last Stand
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Stormy
- Hits: 867
Finally, piecing it together, how it all went down. Meeting with the nurses, others of Stormy's friends, it goes something like this.
A neighbor, perplexed and concerned about the maggots that were coming out of her wall, called the police. Who broke into Stormy's place to do a "Wellness Check", probably expecting to find him dead.
Instead they found his flat. I've posted photos of it before, and, given that he stopped allowing me in and the foul winds that blew forth from it when he opened the door I'm gathering that things got worse.
So - the police in Stormy's flat, not finding the body, then call the fire department who condemn the place. Bits of rotting food, feces, everywhere, piled two and three feet deep on the floor. They begin to empty it out, dressed in full hazmat suits.
Stormy, thankfully, is not here for this - but he shows up on his scooter to witness it, there's a confrontation, the police are there, he attempts an escape - on his scooter - the classic "Low Speed Chase", he's caught without too much trouble and "given a ride" to the hospital.
News of this reached estranged god-bothering sister who apparently shows up to loot the remains.
Now the hospital is in a quandary, who to call, what to do, no living relatives that he cares to speak to, and so he's appointed me - amongst others - as his guardian. Papers to be signed to get him into the extended care home. Other details. And meet his other friends, who I find out have believed far too much of his ramblings with very little evidence.
The theory - which they accept as fact - surfaces: STORMY IS MARILYN MUNROES SECRET ILLEGITIMATE LONG LOST SON...
Fitting, that, and while hesitant to put any credence in it who am I to question such a plot twist?
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