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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
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And from the office, where I sit writing this, I can catch a view of our new alien overlords hovering above the nearby school.
Possibly the Tibetan gongs I acquired a couple of years ago hanging on the curtain rod, but as I'm far too lazy to investigate we'll just have to chalk it up as yet another of life's inexplicable mysteries....
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
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And I'm racking my brain for some sort of April Fools prank to play. Something good, I could always call the restaurant and feign an undesirable ethnic accent, try to make a reservation for 30 people, separate checks and high chairs, but that lacks the excitement. Although it would wind everyone up. And so I'll keep thinking...
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
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Twice today, from regular, our better regular, customers. "How are you?" they ask, and then look at me meaningfully. "Things OK?" Twice. I'm paranoid now that I look as if I have cancer or some other terminal illness, "Fine" I assure them hastily...."Couldn't be better....".... I could, I could be rich or unemployed or painting or writing on a half regular basis, but this isn't what they're asking, so I play it cool and tell them I'm fine. I blame it on the haircut.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
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It's impossible. Much is made of the age of information overload, but even without this, the internet, it would be impossible to keep up. The internet, it swallows an hour, maybe 2 a day. But it points the way to other things, plays, films, books that I should be seeing or reading, music to be listened to, galleries to attend, until, finally, there's no time left whatsoever. I need to seriously rearrange my priorities, not sweat missing a film or two and get to work, because, after all, time is passing...
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
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1. Arrive before the restaurant opens and when the waiters grudgingly let you in complain about the setup, about the spotty glasses and cutlery and unvacuumed floor and lack of music.
2. Stay late. Very late. Try and be the last or second last table in the restaurant. Ask when they close and see if you can keep them an hour, two hours past then.
3. Call ½ hour before coming for a reservation. Look over the hostesses or Maitre’D’s shoulder and try to find your name in the reservation book. When you are sat complain about the table you’re given. Call the restaurant from the parking lot. If there’s no room ask to speak to the owner/manager/favorite server. Explain that it’s your anniversary/birthday/valentines and that you need to come in ASAP and no isn't an answer....
4. Order things not on the menu. Out for Italian? Order the double cheeseburger or Ginger Beef Stir Fry. Don’t even look at the menu.
5. Order fancy drinks that they can’t or won’t charge you for. Things like hot water with lemon and honey. When the waiter isn’t looking add your own tea bag. If your drinking tap water make sure they give you a lemon. If they’ve given you a lemon already complain about the little bits of lemon floating in your water.