Since I've been pretty regular hitting the gym and noticing some trivial improvements (most notably in the abs, although the biceps and pecs are slowly rising as well), I've decided to commit to the bit and continue the part to the annoyance of certain of my customers and all of the staff.
This is what makes it all worthwhile, no vegan is happy about not eating meat, they just like the smug moral superiority they can lord over their friends. And Musckleman doesn't like working out, but he loves talking about it...
So here we go...
#1) refer to self as "Musckleman" and, where possible, in the third person. Eg: Interrupt conversations with "Were you two talking about the Musckleman...?"
#2) "Did you know the 'M' in 'Musckleman' is for 'Modest'?"
#3) 'They're talking about getting Jason Momoa to play the 'Before' version of me in the movie version....'
#4) More third person: "You are making Musckleman Angry/Impatient/etc/etc"
#5) Setting customers minds at ease by explaining that while heavily muscled I'm committed to non-violence...Maybe use the example of the 2 Grizzly Bears I caught fighting at Kokanee Creek Park and how I got out of my car to split it up.
#6) And pre-emptively addressing the elephant in the room - "You've probably noticed my huge arms but I want you to know they're just muscles, I saw a doctor...."
#7) Explain that I don't like to talk about my muscles because I'm more the strong silent type and would prefer to stand close and eavesdrop while they discuss my muscles...
#8) "Did you know in a recent poll I was voted most eligible bachelor in the Kootenays over 30!!"
#9) "....After my workout the lifeguards stopped me on the way to the sauna and asked if they could use me to demonstrate mouth-to-mouth and I had to tell them: 'Bob, that isn't my mouth...'..."
#10) "Did you know that Crime in Balfour has dropped 24% since I started lifting weights?"
#11) "I was lying in a creek bathing myself with sand when I noticed a fine line of gold dust accumulating just beneath my belly button on a riffle in my stomach, a little gold nugget swirling in my belly-button, and I realized I've become a human sluice box..."
One of the new staff noted that "Your So Vain" kept playing on our generic 70's playlist, I told her to feel my arm and reassured her that this wasn't vanity, this was accomplishment...
On that note, while business remains slow, and maybe it's the prices, it's certainly not for want of good conversation...