- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 559
I'm sorry, but this may be my last post for a while.
Tomorrow I intend to win the LottoMax 70 Million Dollar Grand Prize, as well as a few of the subsidiary prizes (Maxmillions, Extra's, Etc.).
This wasn't an easy decision, but it made sense what with the restaurant getting crazy busy and all and me having other, more important things to do.
"Enough is Enough" as the saying goes, and as I've done my stint in poverty I'm overdue for a change of pace.
This is how I did it.
- I put myself into a hypnopompic state and visualized the winning lottery numbers. Actually I just let numbers drift into my field of view and wrote them down.
- I picked the numbers most likely to win based on the numbers that had won most often in the past.
- I assigned numbers to a deck of cards and did myself a 7 card Tarot reading. One card (the king of clubs) didn't fit, so I drew another.
3 Forms of divination. 3 winning tickets. And a lot of quick picks and Extras.
I have seen the Kingdom of the Lord and it is bounteous and if Ye should right your ways and Tarry with me I will show you wonders....
Following the purchase of said numbers and ceremonial burning of the tickets (used for my purchase) I returned home to recline in my poverty. I will miss it.
Actually, Nope, Nope I won't. Not one bit. Not a single iota.
First thing I intend to do with my winnings is to buy a couple of dozen of the high end sex dolls from the USA. Silicon. Top of the Line. Every sex, race and flavor. And then have a midsummer rave/solstice party at Ken's. Invite the entire town to attend.
And then? And then. You just wait and see...
(**Went outside for a fag in the gloaming. And there was a shooting star. So, yeah, I won. I WON!!!!)
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 463
Spotted in the town hall while attending bureaucracy. An odd phrasing, this "Citizens", evokes shades of '1984' or "Comrade", a peculiar trip of the tongue that evokes the days we're living in...
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 555
Back to work, open 'til close. There are a lot of outstanding bills to be remedied, and I'm paranoid that we'll be busy - crazy busy, busier than I can handle.
These fears are for nothing. The restaurant is dead. The lockdown - essential travel only - has scared off the Albertans. For good reason. A few of the locals, regulars, people that you'd missed over the winter, hardy diners who don't mind braving the cold winds, variable spring, they come, and there's time to properly serve them, chat to them on the deck.
Between tables, sweep, clean, "make busy", but this can go on only so long, the owners tell me to "bring a book". Here, that is unheard of, but that's how dead we are.
The Ferry Landing, signs advising travelers to "Stay in their car" - it used to be exiting your car on the ferry was prohibited, now - even on the Ferry Landing. We call to clarify - no, they mean on the ferry, but the sign doesn't say that, and people, a year and a half in, have been blindly conditioned to unquestioningly accept authority, and are staying in their cars.
Time passes. The slow murder of innocent days. When the weather turns - if it turns, business will improve. But it's unlikely, given the State of Alberta vs the State of BC's numbers - that the border will open this summer.
The first night after work I celebrate at the 7/11 buffet. 2 cheddar smokies, with all the fixings, hot peppers, mustard, sauerkraut & onions, heaped high with processed cheese squirt and chili. Mmmm-mmmm-mm.
Now, this should be a straightforward sort of in-out deal, a 24 hour turn-around to a short-notice explosion, 2 minute warning to find a washroom, pull over, whatever, 7/11 is a dodgy proposition at best, made more so by working in the service industry. But a man has to eat. And so - the rest of the week - waiting. Is it coming? When is it coming? How is my belly?
Days pass. This is unheard of. By now there should have been the standard 7/11 explosion, an eleven second eruption of fury that rings the bowl, a black tarry viscous mess of abysmal digestion that clouds the bathroom, chokes the senses, asphyxiates even the author, shitsicles dangling from the toilet seat, but my belly is suspiciously quiet.
There are, however, little foreshadowing's, vapors, emanations as you pace the restaurant, sour, pungent smells that warn of disaster...
In the meantime there's the wanderers. A 50 something lady that showed up in the parking lot of the restaurant, green Subaru station wagon, out of gas. She just wants to park there until ....
...there's no plan. The owners help her out with some gas, get her off the property. Every year there's a few, they come here from God knows where, looking for God knows what, even they couldn't tell you. They just come, arrive lost, and then disappear.
She's not disappearing as quick as they'd like. She's driving from the ferry landing to the Superette, then turns around and drives back. A hundred yards, if that. And forth. We watch her from the back loading dock while the sun sets. It's no wonder she has no gas. She comes into the restaurant, looks at the menu - no mask, not surprising, and then leaves. She parks at the top of the road and spends the night in her Subaru.
After a week of this the police come, the car leaves, driven by an officer or towed or maybe of her own volition. Who knows?
Every day check the weather, still too cool for the patio. The forecast, invariably wrong, even when it's just a case of "Observe the weather", check your phone. It's wrong. A forecast 18 degrees turns into an 8 degree afternoon, with wind chill. My phone tells me it's lovely outside. The patio is empty.
Hours pass, when customers finally show up you're more irate that they came than glad to see them. This is how bad it's gotten.
Thank goodness for Ken. Poor Ken, he's bearing the brunt of my boredom. Chris and I, we make up "Facts about Ken", and then share them with him. Like that Kens can just split in 2 like cellular mitosis, and one of the Ken's will immediately leave to go dig himself a basement someplace. The other stays with the restaurant. Or that NASA has to track the position of every Ken on earth to effectively pull off a space launch. Or...
...it's the same sort of inanity, over an over. We're all bored out of our skulls. Me and Chris revisit Peter Caine's Bigfoot videos. The ones where he shows off the Bigfoot Penis and then milks it for Bigfoot Sperm.
I have an idea, involving Bigfoot Sperm and making Ken a Bigfoot surrogate father of the species...but he's not hearing it, won't hear it, and I'm getting angry "It was the last one of the species and they only gestate for 14 months and I can't believe you're that selfish..."
The restaurant is slow and it's killing me but I take some comfort in knowing that it's been harder on Ken.
Monday, a full 4 days later and 7/11 makes it's departure in much it's usual style. Now for a couple of much needed days off. As slow as it's been I'm not used to standing around for 9 hours a day and it's taken it's toll.
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 600
Yesterday, arranged to go down and pan for gold with Chris. Trail. There's some great cracks in a bedrock exposure I'd seen from the road, worth checking out.
But, driving out through Nelson, nearing the old homeless camp, we pass a small table with a handmade sign up - "Magic Rocks for Sale". A little kid is sitting with his mom at a little table covered with rocks. And there's no getting away from it, we have to stop.
The kid, a folding little TV Dinner table, on it he's got about 30 pieces of gravel. The same gravel as we're standing on. A little jar full of money. We look at the rocks. They're gravel. Just gravel. Literally the same gravel we're standing on. And I want to support small business and enterprising youth and so I ask "How Much?".
The kid hums and haws, he's got the gravel sorted into about 4 little piles on the table, there's no difference in any of them, they're all just gravel, but he's giving us the prices...."This pile it's $5.00 a rock....". I'm incredulous, but I don't dare say, his mom is there, it's a little, a lot out of my league. SO Chris and I go back to the truck, scrounge up a few crystals and fluorite lost at the bottom of my rucksack, Chris finds him some pieces of silver ore, we give it to him. Who knows, maybe one day he could be working for me?
Anyways, onward to Trail:
A bit of panning, next to no gold, Chris finds a few flakes - tiny, not worth the effort, and after a bit of crevassing I give up and go and canvas the landscape. This bedrock is pretty cool:
Coarse feldspar sills, smoky quartz, granular crystals like pegmatites but lacking in the mica and other minerals. The basalt has cooked out the minerals - clear divisions and cavities in the rock.
Clearly I wasn't the only one who found this interesting...
In the pan, fine sand, under the loop - black sand, lots of garnet - pyrope, almandine, some citrine, green stones which I guess to be olivine (given the basalts), quartz.
These would be the pretty pictures if I could find a way to take their picture. I need my USB Microscope...
The chromites excite me - the green - in conjunction with the garnets, are used as indicators for diamonds. Maybe it's not all quartz. When I have pictures I'll share.
Anyways, that - more or less, was the day.
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 551
This is the endgame of the internet, sites you use daily lock you out with paywalls; "buy a subscription", subscriptions would cost me more than my rent, it makes me careful in my reading. Half-done an article and the "subscribers-only" window rolls up to block the rest of it. There are ways around it - clear your history, take a free subscription and submit to an inbox filled with spam (my mistake with the NY Times), or - a new hack - supposedly by adding a period after the .com - .com./article - will allow you in, there are more but I just take it as a sign that it's time to get off of the internet.
Here are a few other suggestions culled from the net:
- https://www.online-tech-tips.com/computer-tips/12-ways-to-get-past-a-paywall/
- https://www.techsupportalert.com/content/how-bypass-paywalls-popular-news-sites.htm
- https://www.techsupportalert.com/content/how-bypass-paywalls-popular-news-sites.htm
Still, there's always a silver lining - it forces me to consider whether I really wanted to read the article - or was just wasting time, and get on with your day and read a chapter book - always a better option!
Subcategories
Dating
OK. I've been on a few internet dates. I confess this with the same reluctance I would admitting to masturbating, adultery, or excessive drinking and drug use.
This is a list of some of my best -- AND WORST -- dates ever. Note that you gotta go on a lotta dates to get this kinda list, this kinda discouraged. And my online dating thing has been sporadic - an every few years kind of thing at best. Some of these dates go back 10 years, others are a little more recent. And to answer any people who might argue "It beats hooking up at the bar", well, you don't have to hook up at the bar, and at the bar you can see what your getting...
Anyways - apologies to the countless normal, decent dates that I went on but just didn't hit it off with. Memory is selective, it tends towards the extreme, and in this you will find the extremes...
Dear Osama
In which I write everyone's favorite advice columnist.
Error
404 Error
Ooops. The requested page could not be found.