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The Rum Diaries
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Film
- Hits: 1544
I like Johnny Depp. That said, this was a highly missable exploration of one of Hunter S Thompson's more forgettable works.
Now I know that Johnny Depp was buddies with Hunter S, and even went so far as to fire his cremated remains from a cannon, but there's something about a 47 year old Depp (in fine condition, to be sure) portraying a 23 year old Hunter S that doesn't wash.
The film, long, less a film as a whole than a series of somewhat (more or less) amusing incidents from his stint as a journalist in Puerto Rico.
The cinematography is good, the landscape beautiful, lush, the boy enjoyed it, I could have done entirely without.
That said, I like Johnny Depp, and this was probably by far his most normal role in a very long time. Still, give it a miss.
3 French Phrases
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 1745
I've been instructing the boy on the value of memorizing quotes. I assign him 10 or 20 quotes to have memorized, and without fail he hasn't memorized a single one.
So I'm trying to make it a little more interesting by sprinkling them into conversation, this week it's French Phrases.
"Entre Chien et Loupe"
Meaning literally between a tame thing (dog) and a very wild thing (wolf). While I'm sure it could be used any number of ways the example I remember was early evening - between the civilized decorum of the day and the rather wilder evening.
"Je ne sais quoi"
To describe something as having a certain "I don't know", used frequently by salespeople to sell one on an outlandish fashion. Generally it has a positive connotation, but not necessarily, for example if a girlfriend shows you her new hand-made macrame sweater, you could say that it had a certain "Je ne sais quoi" - a generally tactful way of not saying anything at all.
"Belle Laide"
Literally, "Beautiful Ugly". To describe a woman who, while not conventionally attractive or beautiful, nevertheless has a certain something....
Male Cosmetics
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 1726
They're regulars, after a fashion, she a cougar, fifty something but according to reviews still highly desirable, he a youthful sixty, occasionally a couple, we're never quite sure...
They tip well.
And today, she, despite her six figure alimony, has something to sell.
She begins by accosting all the waiters and the owner, rubbing some lotion into the bags around their eyes.
I try to stay clear, but sooner or later I'm going to have to approach them, and when I do....
She's got a little spiel, this product will reduce bags under the eyes, the appearance of aging, it has been featured on this and that television show...and the Oscars....
She's very excited about it. Whatever it is, she doesn't need the money, she's got her six figure alimony, this is some sort of bizarre form of female self actualization.
Eventually she corners me, painting the lotion on beneath my eye, only one eye as she's detected my skepticism, wants me to decide for myself...
I'm not that interested, but none of the other waiters are either and she's a good customer, by which I mean she tips well and she's a friend of the owners, and so I have a bad feeling that I'm going to be the fall guy for this.
"it's only $89.00 per year, or just thirty-one cents per day......replenishes your skin with essential oils of lavender and lemon, ..." she prattles on while she rubs it into my eye.
The other customers look on with amusement. I try to tell her she's barking up the wrong tree, but she won't hear it.
Her friend, the off again - on - again boyfriend, he watches, she marvels what a difference it's made, he agrees, he's inscrutable, I can't tell if he uses the stuff, he's Asian, how could you? Do Asians even get bags under their eyes?
Here's the market. A restaurant filled with overworked Italians with bags under their eyes.
The slippery slope of this of course is going to be hair color, eye liner, tweezers and waxing of the ears and balls, strange devices specifically designed to reach those orifices that seem to serve no other function but generating dreadlocks, probably even I'll have to start working a shower into my routine and buy some fancy smelling soaps...
The odd thing was, before she came along I'd been thinking about some deep seated life changes. Like giving up the Cocaine and Dexedrine, trying to get myself down to a half bottle of scotch a day, cutting back the cigarettes, adding fruits, nuts and vegetables to my diet, hell, while I was at it I might even try to exercise, go to the gym or for a run even.
But as she prattles on I think I've discovered the cure. It's male cosmetics.
Halloween - 2011
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 1665
Halloween is surprisingly busy at work. I mean, I know there are better parties out there, but nobody seems to be finding them.
We're now almost 50% overstaffed - 3 waiters per side of the restaurant, a hostess and expediter, and still things aren't going smoothly.
These new people, they have to be told what to do. "Clear this table", "Offer them dessert", "Bring bread and bruschetta", "have they been offered drinks?". There's no initiative, nothing gets done unless you tell them specifically what needs to be done. And don't think to try and suggest two things at once, like "Clear the table and bring dessert menu's" because that will just fuck things up. We've never had so many staff and yet, oddly, I've never been so busy.
Gypsy has taken over the position of hostess, I try and convince her to arrange the tags in some sort of numerical order, say from 1-100, she doesn't understand, I explain that it helps to find the coat when the customer is done their meal, she interrupts "I know where all the coats are". I point out that seldom is she actually at the door when customers are arriving or leaving, and so it would be a courtesy to the rest of the staff who have to help them with their coats. Eventually she begrudgingly acquiesces and arranges them in order, this to appease me, later, when the customers are arriving, she still stuffs the coats in wherever and all numerical order is lost....
It's true she's never at the front door, whenever customers arrive or go to leave she takes it as her cue to go hide in the bathroom, send a text from some dark corner of the restaurant, go find something to eat in the kitchen. She winds me up, several passes through the restaurant putting away glasses and cutlery and I stumble across her again and again texting, eating, talking, never, ever working.
"Guess what I was for Halloween" she tells me, lifting her shirt to show me some fake-blood scars: "A rape victim". She's not joking.
I get annoyed with her. "You're picking on me" she says "I'm a hard worker....".
People who tell you their hard workers never are. Just like people who tell you how much money they have are invariably poor.
Even the newest girl, her second night, she doesn't yet know what she's doing but she seems to be able to figure things out pretty good, she tells me she has a hard time not going off on the hostess, she would but she's new, I'd tell her to go right ahead but she's still too new, in a week or two...
There's some gossip, one of our regulars, an Asian fellow with gang ties, has been reported missing by family and friends, we all know who he is, the outcome is probably not going to be so good.
The hot water heater is broken and we have our handyman come in to fix it. And from 7:00 to 9:00 he huddles in a corner while the owner goes through his fits and tantrums, throwing things, yelling, the handyman says to me "Is he always like this? I've never seen him like this before...." and I assure him that every night when we're busy he's like this, just wait and it will pass, he's a look of terror on his face and I think now he understands why there's so seldom the same faces in here twice....
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