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You've let yourself go....
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2278
It's easy when you work from home. You don't need to dress up for work, and so you don't, you stay in all day, in PJ's or sweats sipping coffee.
It's a good life, there's no office politics, no commute you reflect as you sip your fourth cup of coffee for the day and wonder if it's still too early for a nap. You stop shaving, first every other day, then only whenever you remember, your new "time management" strategy, time saved shaving is time that can be used on projects. And bathing isn't so important, when you don't see people every day, and so you save time and money by not running the hot water.
The beard and hair grow longer, but you're not too concerned, you can get it cut the next time you're downtown.
And you love this working from home, no laundry for the dry cleaners, your schedule's your own, until one day you have to run downtown and you notice the homeless are guarding their shopping carts from you, are they afraid you might steal their bottles? And somebody you don't know offers to buy you a coffee, finally you run into an ex co-worker who stops you to chat, she's concerned, and you see yourself in the reflection of a window behind her, the uncomfortable realization growing, a painful flash of self consciousness....
You've let yourself go.
2 Cars. I'll take the bus.....
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2163
I have 2 cars. The first, an blue 80's Chrysler Daytona. A friend gave it to me about 4 years ago, it's been a good car, I've put around 80, 000 Km on it with a minimum of maintenance, 2 alternators, a tune up, runs great. But the doors have stopped opening, or to be more precise, closing, when you open them they fall down off the hinges, and so we keep them closed and hop in through the windows. Apparently this is a common thing for this car. "It's Cool" I tell the kids, but I don't think they believe me. What parent is an authority on "cool"? And the electric's are a bit funny, and so the windows don't always close when you're inside and the speedometer doesn't always work, but these are small things, it's a good car, it runs great. A couple of months ago, though, it got a flat, and so I parked it in the driveway, it's been filling with snow and leaves ever since.
TO fill in the gap a friend gave me her old car, a black 90's Volkswagon Jetta, she had just bought a new car, "this car", she warns me, "could die at any moment", and so forwarned gives me the keys. And I've been driving instead, flagrantly disloyal to the blue car, the children liking the novelty of getting in through the doors, the boy had been getting self-conscious of jumping in through the windows of the old car when I picked him up from school (he wasn't buying my arguments about how this was "Character building", he saw it as proof instead of my lack of worldly success). And he's sort of proud that I've got this new car, this Volksagon, his mom has one too, so I must be coming along in the world.
At first the black car sort of runs OK, but not really, it over-revs, my door and the windows stop working as soon as I take possession, the engine smokes as if it's on fire whenever I stop for a red light or get stuck in traffic. But it's better than nothing. Soon, however, the cars fate is sealed, the transmission dies, there is no prospect of affording another, it's beyond repair, time for me to call the Kidney foundation, or that number I found tucked under the windscreen - 'Cars Towed by Vince'...."how could they tell?" I wonder.....
I'm pissed off. I've just filled it with gas, with antifreeze, I checked the transmission fluid, but it's always the way.
I have 2 cars, but I'll be taking the bus.
The Pimplemaker
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Dreams
- Hits: 1936
It's night and I'm in front of one of those imaginary family restaurants in an imaginary high street somewhere in North Edmonton. I miss this area, the windows into the restaurant are plastered with theatre posters, coming carnivals and events, there's an ice cream poster on the door - "The Pimple Maker" - it's a big single scoop of Ice Cream with a large hunk of chocolate on top, the chocolate has been broken open to reveal a sweet candy mass dripping out onto the ice cream.
Then I'm talking to Milan, apologizing for never visiting him, I'm trapped in suburbia - "So far into South Edmonton" I complain "That I might as well be living in Calgary....."
The dream changes. I'm in a long hallway, generic, patterned carpet, lighting like they have in hotels. I've done well, gambling, made a few million, and as I'm leaving the casino a big black guy, casino goon, comes to stop me. He reaches for his gun but I've got the drop on him, I've taken the precaution of arranging for a third arm, a magicians dummy hand and sleeve, to hang down on my right side with it's hand stuffed with paper, thousand dollar notes on the inside and outside to make it look like money. My free hand is inside my jacket, I reach up and aim a large semi-automatic at the thug, he continues to go for his piece and so I shoot him. I keep walking out of the casino, I see another guy who owes me money, he's coming for me as well, I twist his arm and force him to his knees, gun at his temple, "Do it" he's telling me, I don't want to, he owes me money, 30 something, bland face with clear blue eyes looking back at me "Do it!", pushing his head against the muzzle of the gun....
Rod Boyle - Human Random Number Generator
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2470
As rent is a little tight this month I have decided to partner with myself and raise some money through advertising revenue.
Counting on the fact that my website attracts an erudite and scholarly readership, I have to confess that I have a rare, savant-like ability to generate random numbers. This was discovered at an early age, when the 20 sided di rolled down a deep, dark and smoldering vent during a fast-paced and action packed game of Dungeons & Dragons, I became "The Di", generating at will random numbers for my fellow players.
While I no longer play Dungeons & Dragons, this is a skill I have exercised regularly and kept up with. Currently I'm able to generate entirely random numbers in excess of 10, 000 digits, which is no small feat. If you're in doubt, try it.
Hence I have decided to make use of my talent and prostitute my skills over the internet. Banner ads will appear shortly. Meanwhile, these are but a few of the services I will be offering:
- Random Number Generation - Intigers, fractions, you name it. From $10 per digit. Delivery can be arranged via email, or if the purpose of the number is to be used for top-secret Cyphers or computer programs, via courier or Purolator Express. Please find some sample numbers and rates below.
- 2 Digit Random Number - 12 - $20 CAN
- 18 Digit Random Number with boundaries of -713 to 108 - 77623.0089153326321 - $180 CAN
- Random Random Number (Will not exceed 100 Digits) - 1 - Fixed Rate $100 CAN
- Random Numbers in Bases other than 10 - Base 7 Intiger - 6 Digits - 636211 - $60 CAN
**Rates above do not include shipping and handling. No freight charges are applied if sent via email. - Unique Number Generation - Unfortunately, due to the popularity of this service most unique numbers under 12 digits in length have been taken. However, there are an infinite number of Unique numbers above 12 digits in length still available, and to compensate for the non-availability of smaller unique numbers I'm offering a sale: Unique numbers 30 digits and under for only $100 CAN. + Shipping and Handling where applicable. These numbers can be sent to you via email, in WORD (.doc), or .txt format. All Unique numbers are tested against the leading search engines to ensure they are really unique - one of a kind, just like you.
- Art Numbers - Having splurged on your own Random or Unique number, why not have me make it into a work of art? For anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars extra I can convert your Unique or Random Number into a contemporary art masterpiece - supported formats - .gif, .png, .jpg, that you can print out on your computer, to "Hard copy" artworks using such mediums as paper, pen, ink, acrylic or oil on canvas or mixed media. In any size you choose.
rodrand(Google -1)" by Rod Boyle "15812 " by Rod Boyle
TO order your own Random or Unique number, or have a quote prepared on converting your number to a work of art, please email me at
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