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Notes on Musckleman
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 740
Since I've been pretty regular hitting the gym and noticing some trivial improvements (most notably in the abs, although the biceps and pecs are slowly rising as well), I've decided to commit to the bit and continue the part to the annoyance of certain of my customers and all of the staff.
This is what makes it all worthwhile, no vegan is happy about not eating meat, they just like the smug moral superiority they can lord over their friends. And Musckleman doesn't like working out, but he loves talking about it...
So here we go...
#1) refer to self as "Musckleman" and, where possible, in the third person. Eg: Interrupt conversations with "Were you two talking about the Musckleman...?"
#2) "Did you know the 'M' in 'Musckleman' is for 'Modest'?"
#3) 'They're talking about getting Jason Momoa to play the 'Before' version of me in the movie version....'
#4) More third person: "You are making Musckleman Angry/Impatient/etc/etc"
#5) Setting customers minds at ease by explaining that while heavily muscled I'm committed to non-violence...Maybe use the example of the 2 Grizzly Bears I caught fighting at Kokanee Creek Park and how I got out of my car to split it up.
#6) And pre-emptively addressing the elephant in the room - "You've probably noticed my huge arms but I want you to know they're just muscles, I saw a doctor...."
#7) Explain that I don't like to talk about my muscles because I'm more the strong silent type and would prefer to stand close and eavesdrop while they discuss my muscles...
#8) "Did you know in a recent poll I was voted most eligible bachelor in the Kootenays over 30!!"
#9) "....After my workout the lifeguards stopped me on the way to the sauna and asked if they could use me to demonstrate mouth-to-mouth and I had to tell them: 'Bob, that isn't my mouth...'..."
#10) "Did you know that Crime in Balfour has dropped 24% since I started lifting weights?"
#11) "I was lying in a creek bathing myself with sand when I noticed a fine line of gold dust accumulating just beneath my belly button on a riffle in my stomach, a little gold nugget swirling in my belly-button, and I realized I've become a human sluice box..."
One of the new staff noted that "Your So Vain" kept playing on our generic 70's playlist, I told her to feel my arm and reassured her that this wasn't vanity, this was accomplishment...
On that note, while business remains slow, and maybe it's the prices, it's certainly not for want of good conversation...
Fraud
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
- Hits: 735
My bank card, mysteriously stopped working in Kelowna, and I'm wondering why...chip error, magnetic stripe, card's in good condition, seldom used,
...and it dawns on me, there's a Fraud Alert, need to call in & reassure them, probably a caution raised as I'm not using it to buy liquor and cigarettes...
Reveries of a Bachelor - Ik Marvel
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Books
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Popular in 1850, I found a first edition of this at a garage sale and thought to expand my tastes.
Now, this has been a simple read (thank goodness), just - despite the title, entirely irrelevant. The quaint philosophical reflections of a Bachelor in front of his fire; Chapters about the joy a wife and child might bring him, chapters then arguing against the lack of freedom, or speculating upon the heartbreak he'd experience when his wife/child die, etc. Reveries mean "daydreams", yet in this instance it would have been preferable he keep the dreams in the airy clouds rather than set them to paper.
Funny how tastes change, he actually had a good reputation. Unfortunately he's not aged well.
Perhaps charming and picaresque, but I've grown a little annoyed with the shilly-shallying dilly-dallying bachelor who can't commit and prefers to speculate on all the pleasures he will never possess for fear of losing them.
Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Grant_Mitchell
Works online: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/authors/search/?query=Mitchell,+Donald+Grant
Time now to read something a little bit different.
Italian Hours - Henry James
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Books
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So, in the vein of travel literature, a collection of James's notes on Italy in various chapters.
He discusses Ruskin, enthuses about long forgotten and minor painters, out of fashion: Tintoretto, Carpaccio, Titian, dozens of others, enthusing and curating according to his tastes, postcard descriptions of the people, the pervading melancholy, and I'm rather haunted that I know Venice of this age, from Turner, or abundant other artists, or maybe some previous life, I recognize it well enough from his descriptions, I've never been, and - strangely, am not particular inclined, I have the feeling that I would somehow know it all, there would be that recognition of it, a deja-vu from the countless books I've read and paintings I've seen. Or that, so hyped by the preceding it could only let me down.
Anyways, I'm not a fan of his style, something about it - it's hard to put my finger on - not his writing or prose, more where he turns his attention that disinterests me. And, upon reflection, not even this. But what then? Sentences that run on a hundred or more words, with dozens of semicolons and commas, that meander around my beleaguered attention span, I would have done as well to look at a few dozens of paintings in a gallery as I would have to read this book.
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