Price: $10.00Provenance: I acquired this fine empty bottle whilst kayaking the northwest passage. I was searching for Polar Bears to wrestle, this being a hobby of mine (and far more manly than just slaying them), when after 1 particularly long session with a Giant Polar bear and her 3 cubs I retired to my kayak for a drink.
Now before you get all liberal and indignant let me remind you that it's volunteer rangers like me that keep the North safe from the gathering hordes of Polar Bears that lurk pretty much everywhere north of Edmonton. Safe so tourists like you can go on your little luxury cruises and junkets.
Now I was thirsty and so I went back to my Kayak for a drink
And as luck would have it my (formerly) trusty Inuit guide "Nanook" had already drunk all my water.
"Water, Water everywhere, yet not a drop to drink..."
You should never drink seawater, in case you didn't know.
Anyways, looking around forlornly for a drink or a vending machine (while Mama bear and her cubs are getting away across the pack ice), when what should I spot but this bottle poking out of a snowdrift.
There's crap like this everywhere up there, but I went to check it out just in case.
No water. But there was a note in the bottle, kind of all faded and brittle and all curled up.
It read something like this (if I can remember).
"We, the men of the Erebus and Terror on this day .... in the year of our lord 1847 have .... eaten the cabinboy .... being pursued by giant lizards .... entering into the hollow earth ..... look for signs near...."
There was more, lots more with maps and directions and excerpts from journals and strange drawings and things, but I thought the bottle was coolest and so took it and left the rest. It wasn't littering, because I had already found it there.
Anyways, if you like it you can have it for a mere $10.00. The bottle, that is, the rest of it is still up there. If you're curious I'll draw you a map, but that will cost you another $5.00.