Price: $685.00
Queen Sized??: I'm glad you noticed. Originally the bed was a double, but sometime in the forties it was converted to queen size by the local village blacksmith. That alone would cost you $685.00 today, so it's a bit of a rarity.
FAQ:
Where will you sleep?
Aw, shucks, thanks for asking. Actually I've acquired a smaller bed that better suits my monastic lifestyle. If Pretty AND Smart should call she'll have to get used to sleeping in close quarters. Although given how long it's been she shouldn't count on sleeping.
The Bedknobs?
Yes, very astute, it has bedknobs. You know, when things were good I never thought to rub them, and when things were bad I just slept. Buy the bed, give them a rub and tell me where you end up.
Why would I buy this original Antique bed when for $2000 or more I could buy a cheap third world reproduction from Chintz and Company?
You're logic is inscrutable. I have no ready answer, apart from you'll certainly enjoy walking across the new $25,000,000 Pedestrian Bridge in downtown Calgary.
On Fire?
"This bed is on fire with passionate love, the neighbors complain about the noises above..."
- james: Laid
Not this bed, not anymore. But before we blame the bed let me explain:
There was a time when this bed, this mattress ran red with the blood of a thousand virgins. I took them all, the pretty and the smart, when one afternoon after yawning through Pretty and squinting at Smart I conceived an idea.
And here you laugh, you have seen further than I and know what I am thinking, you are laughing at my Naivety but how was I to know?
And so I thought to myself, what if I could have both Pretty AND Smart, not separately but together as the same woman?
And herein lies the source of my madness.
It was folly- unimaginable, absurd, but somehow I persuaded myself it could be done.
And I hear you laughing, "Who is this young Dr. Frankenstein that would unleash this monster upon the earth, this Franken-woman", and I beg you to allow me to explain.
Nature has granted herself infinite variety in her production of species, and even within the species - spend an afternoon at Wal-Mart and then in Kensington and you'll see what I mean. As she has been so liberal with her production of the Ugly and Stupid, why would she not produce the Pretty and Smart? It is said that in Australia there are beavers with the bills of a duck and the venom of a snake, this I took to be proof of her infinite variety and I wondered, what strange and marvelous chimera would it be could I have them both in the same person? And so it is that an idea, an ideal is born.
It is an easy thing to acquire, this birth of an Ideal, but I assure you it's like Herpes when you try and get rid of it. And so it obsessed me.
It was a fools errand, I was tilting at windmills, trying to capture the moon, I was Parsifal in search of the Holy Grail ....
To pass the time I imagined her image: Her breath would smell of peppermint and taste like honey, her skin would feel like silk, she would be charming and modest - the lightest sketches of beauty - I embellished her with an interest in History, Art, Antiquities, she would be sophisticated, articulate, creative, she would read the finest books and watch subtitled films , I adorned her with curiosity, a desire to explore, travel, and I crowned her with constancy and virtue.
And when I despaired that I was being unreasonable, too specific, too demanding, I reminded myself that these were merely proofs of a lively and active mind....
"Pretty AND Smart" I said to myself, and still I searched....
I have raged and thundered against the Gods - "It will be this or it will be nothing", and like you they have laughed at my folly....
Now the bed has been cold forever it seems, and I've grown to realize that as it long as it remains with me it will continue so. Hence I am selling it.
If - by rare chance and wondrous coincidence, you are both Pretty AND Smart give me a ring, or- better yet, throw on some thigh-high latex boots and get yourself over here, we have a lot of catching up to do. I'll leave the mattress on just in case.
Otherwise, if you'd like to buy the bed, this bed, this one-of-a-kind antique wrought Iron Queen Sized bed then give me a call at: 403-686-6979.
Don't feel you are profiting from my misfortune, rather that you are helping me to put my ridiculous ideals behind me. Maybe I just need to search farther afield, or study genetics.
I will be in and out all week, please leave a message. And appreciate that as the quest has been long and is not yet over, priority will be given to Pretty AND Smart should she call.
