In the shop yesterday I spotted a chip bag with a big dollar sign on it. And while not particularly materialistic the bills have grown a little out of control and I thought to myself "Why not buy a bag of cash?" and so I checked the ingredients, which didn't list any money but maybe it goes by a fancy technical name like "Sodium Acetate" or "Calcium Hydroxide" instead and so I picked it up on the off chance that it was my lucky day.
As luck would have it it wasn't. But there was a contest on the back which promised the possibility of a $25, 000 prize if I could name this mystery brand of Dorito. I'd have to go to www.doritosguru.ca and submit my idea for promoting this as-of-yet unidentified nacho chip.
Maybe it was my lucky day. I've always fancied that I'd have been a brilliant advertising genius, if that was what I went in for....
I've had some ideas for a certain coffee I've tried lately. But that's a different post.....
So I munched thoughtfully trying to identify the many subtle flavours that accompanied this chip. And I mentally plotted my campaign. When I got home I made a list and then a special mental map, with loads of macaroni and toothpaste and different colored crayons. And then I went onto the contest website, where I discovered I might as well have saved myself the trouble as they were ending the contest tomorrow (today) and there was not going to be any way I could put together a commercial with that short notice. Which was a shame, because as my map would attest I had some pretty damned fine ideas. Which, to secure their copyright, I'll share with you here.
- Chili Doritos
- Lime Doritos
- Chili Lime Doritos
- Chili with a hint-o-lime Doritos (It was St. Patrick's Day!)
- Hint-o-lime Chili flavored Doritos
- Savoury Chili & Lime Doritos
- Savoury Chili & Tangy Lime Doritos
- Savoury Chili with Tangy Lime and various Cheese additives Doritos, Now with ADDED SODIUM ACETATE
- New & Improved Doritos
Of course there were more ideas but I'd have to call in favours from Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford, which I didn't want to do as there wasn't time. But I went on the website and was amazed by how many good ideas they had already gotten (Not great ideas, like mine, but still damned good).
For the television commercials (30 second spot) I'd have a Chili on a white tabletop. A small red shrivelled up chili. Then I'd have a chip approach it. Hands would make them do naughty things. Then Donald Sutherland would say "New Chili Doritos. They're hot.".
Or try the lime commercial. A lime or stunt-lime on a white tabletop. (10 seconds). Then a hand would bring in a chip. They'd do naughty things. Then Donald Sutherland would say "New Lime Doritos. They're Limey."
The Chili Lime Doritos Ad was the best one I didn't make. There would be a dried shrivelled up chili on the table. A hand would bring in a lime. They'd do naughty things. Then a chip would come in. The hands would fight. The chip, chili and lime would break it up. Then Donald Sutherland would say "New Chili Lime Doritos. Don't fight over them."
Then there was the amazing idea of the "Mucheatos Dorito". You don't get to an idea like the "Mucheatos Dorito" without first going through the other ideas.
"Mucheatos" would be a plump Mexican stereotyped character with a sombrero and curled mustache but you wouldn't know it because he wouldn't be seen. You'd see people talking about him under their breath in Mexican. "Mucheatos Dorito" they'd say. Then they're would be an Aztec Pyramid. A man (Harrison Ford) walking through flames with a bullwhip in his hand, the pyramid in the background. A giant Anaconda would slither down the pyramid. There would be a spinning Aztec Calendar, the kind they always show when they tell you the world will end in 2012. Then Donald Sutherland would say "Mucheatos Doritos. Only until 2012".
That was the $25, 000 idea. As you'll no doubt agree, they were getting it cheap, but I was kinda grateful as their chip got the taste of the other campaign I've been working on outa my mouth. The coffee campaign. Which is a different post....