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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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Now, homeless and vehicle-less. Now - I can do one but not both, and so I've decided to get a vehicle. Looking online, Facebook Marketplace, there aren't so many options. Older Tundras with 300,000+ KM selling for $18, 000 plus dollars. Bollocks.
And then I see it. 2004 White Ford Econoline Van. 200, 000 KM and only $2000.
This gets a little fantasy going in my head. First of all, I could sleep in it. I can sleep anywhere, but the back of a van - fix it up a bit - could be comfortable. And it would beat sleeping in parks and wherever else have you.
I'm mulling it over.
But what's really selling it for me is the possibility of doing art on the sides. Like, proper 70's and 80's Van Art.
Like...
The silhouette of a wolf's head howling against a full moon...
The "shadow" of Bigfoot filled in with trees and stars....
A wizard, holding a crystal ball, a long beard and a twinkle in his eye that people would look at the wizard and recognize as me...
Most definitely a mostly naked woman dressed in furs lying prone on the right side of the van, not sure of the pose just yet but she probably should be looking longingly at the wizard...
A Unicorn. Maybe the Wizard could be sitting astride the Unicorn?
A dragon. Definitely a dragon, probably an Asian styled one as Smaug is a bit overdone...
And maybe the wizard that looks like me can be pulling back his robe to reveal his radiant, red blazing heart...just like Jesus does in that popular photo of him...
Aliens, somewhere, a saucer and one of the greys, maybe succumbing to the telepathic influence of the Wizard?
Peace signs...
Bumpers stickers that read "Shaggin Wagon" and "If this Van's a rockin', don't bother knockin'...".
If the wizard can't look like me maybe he could look like Donald Trump?
A mermaid. Definitely need one of those.
And on the other side of the van I would have a "Fortune-Teller" Motif. Fortunes told, all sorts of Masonic Imagery, Tarot Cards, I -Ching, the all-seeing eye, pyramids, advertise my prognostication, my healing abilities, my intuitive nature and skill at hypnosis, mesmerism and ventriloquism. Other trades I might advertise include "Womb Masseuse" and "Listener" and "Aromatherapist" and "Lifestyle Coach". Man, once I get started on my skills list it gets hard to quit...
Maybe paint the back with Chalkboard Paint so I can do a variable travelling art exhibit as well as provide contact details....maybe a "How's My Driving?" and then write random people's phone numbers there. Or give details as to the parties I can be found at.
And you see, I haven't even bought the van yet, and still my mind is racing with the possibilities.
Now to revisit the interior...
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This was explained to me by a customer.
Everywhere out here you see the incomplete construction projects. The raiments of Tyvek gesticulating in the wind, housing projects, home reno's, projects in the perpetuity of "completion" and never "complete".
He explains: That as soon as the project is complete, the property tax assessment goes up. And so many residents prefer to keep their properties incomplete.
This makes sense, but it suggests that maybe we need some revision to our guidelines for property tax....that any projects begun need be complete within X timeframe or face X penalties...
Still, grateful for the explanation. So many mysteries unfolding, slowly, surely....
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Saturday afternoon, I'm late, catching the bus to work.
It's the afternoon bus to Crazytown.
Seriously, this is "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" type of shit.
In the beginning, everyone boarding. I get on at Baker, everyone else at Chakha Mia Mall.
And it starts.
Everyone knows one another. There's the exchange of greetings.
Even the improbable- "normalish" seeming man in his 60's talking to someone....well...
someone that he shouldn't know. And so it goes.
Fights break out..."You're crazy!!" "No, You're Crazy"....
I'm on the bus to CrazyTown.
I mention it to a few of the customers when I'm at work. They confirm it, I need a car, the Balfour Bus, it's the bus to CrazyTown.
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If you needed proof of how far the US has collapsed into the abyss of inanity and religious insanity, look no further. This is madness. Below a few of my thoughts.
#1) I am in no way in support of abortion.
#2) Despite this, I fully acknowledge a woman's sovereignty over her own body and right to choose. Whatever my opinions are, they are irrelevant.
#3) If anyone - government, church, etc - was serious about "ending" abortion then they would invest in readily available, affordable birth control, education (sex and otherwise) and ensuring that people had access to a reasonable standard of living (including the resources/material means to raise a child). These three things alone would drop abortion rates by 90% or more.
#4) In those instances of rape, incest, life-threatening complications - abortions should be given without question or charge. Really. These are extenuating circumstances, I'm sure - but they have immense moral validity.
In short, abortion is a failure of society, not the individual. So let's fix/shore up our society and stop worrying about "punishing" those people who have "failed" in a system designed to make them fail.
Now, this is ridiculous, because I have wasted now 100+ words saying what every reasonable person knows. And the Roe VS Wade challenge isn't about this at all. It's about increasing social control over every aspect of the individuals lives - to the point of intrusion; it's about governance unto tyranny, about idiocy coming into it's own, and - hahaha - as everyone looks south and breathes a sigh of relief it isn't here, don't breathe easy yet. Kenney won by a majority, the Conservatives across Canada are waiting their next chance at power, and Trudeau's big claim to fame is not looking as bad as his predecessors. So - when the winds of change blow again, Atwood may be proven right.
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Ha! Genius idea #3, 417, 214.
A 12 inch ruler available in Small or Medium - specifically targeting those less endowed men who need a dick-pick in a hurry and a plausible point of reference!
Why, it's Penis-Enlargement done in a matter of seconds, not months or years! Non-invasive, no surgery, heavy lifting or pills, just select the ruler that's right for you!
Usually I'd pitch this to Pornhub, but - believe it or not, they still haven't gotten back to me. Bastards!!